I saw P!nk in concert last night. She is absolutely incredible. I have been a huge fan and loved her since I was a young teenager. She was my first gig at 13 years old.

I was blown away by her show. Not only does she sing, but she PERFORMS; it is a show, the dancers, the lights, the acrobatics. She does the show – she blasts her lungs whilst hanging upside down, and never misses a note. And she does it all with this incredible down-to-earth, makes you laugh, heart-warming personality that touches me at my core. It was my 7^th time seeing her and, as always, I have come away feeling inspired and motivated. But I think something more this time: I cried at the end of her performance. I have been in a bad place over the past wee while. And I really don’t want to be there any more. And the reality is: only I can get me out of there.

“So when it hits, don’ts forget as scary as it get; It’s just turbulence”. Turbulence

“Tell me are you just getting by… You gotta get up and try, try, try.” Try.

“I am here. I’ve already hit the bottom, so there’s nothing to fear.” I Am Here.

“You had a shit day, we had a shit day…. I think I’ve had enough of this.” Blow Me One Last Kiss

“Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead.” F**king Perfect.

But now, today, a day of action. (although we did drive back 3 hours after the gig, and as a result I slept in til 3pm… so not much of the day left.) And I want to start. But I also want to do it all. And I do not know where to start.

This is my head right now (being honest): right. Get going. Get washed? Wash face. I’m going to do things today – I’m motivated by P!nk. Oh I should put up those P!nk photos/videos. Scrolled on Instagram a long time. Oh, I should write in my blog and record this. I should tidy the kitchen first. I should start my bullet journal to mark this and the things I do. My desk(S) are a mess. Tidy first. I should exercise. I want to nap. Oh but long periods of sedentary time are causing muscle pains. I defo should stretch. And physio. And I need to learn. Make a timetable for learning? Should answer those emails. What about dinner? I have chocolate about the house, I should eat that for energy. But aren’t I meant to be eating well now? But it’s in the house. I should hydrate first. It’s sunny; I should really be outside. Oh crap I need to water my plants.…. And on, and on, and on.

This burst of wanting to be better, to be the best me now does not get rid of all the disorganisation and bad habits I have generated over decades of poor behaviours.

What will be key will be consistency. Constantly trying to improve. It won’t be better tomorrow.

Right, so, I think I forget that. I just wake up everyday remembering all the bad things I haven’t done yet and all the failures. So I need good reminders, and ways to show the consistent doing of those Little Concentrated Efforts for Positive Lifestyle Changes.

OK, so blog entry done. I hope to be more consistent with this and my journey, and my progress, and my learning along the way.

The Instagram (@thepmaway) should follow that too – I shall post something today (this also makes me really nervous – sharing so much, especially with people who will know me. But I want my suffering to hopefully one day be helpful to others in the future. So it has to start somewhere. But also, if it goes nowhere, it will just keep me present in my moments, and my days. But maybe more on that later.)

And the bullet journal. I enjoy my nice stationary and pens and colouring in. And it is a way, that at the end of the day, end of the week, I can look back at what I have done. And see those goals for tomorrow and the future, and hope that continues my drive. Please?

That kitchen that needs tidied? It’s been there how long, that’s for tomorrow. I bet if I do it now, tomorrow I’ll just forget I’ve done it, that it was something that bothered me. But doing my journals now, tomorrow I can write I did it. I will colour in that box. I will remember it was a task and I shall be proud I got up off my ass and did it. So I need to do that first. After all, what’s the point of doing something if I don’t get that reward? Just keep feeding that positive attitude, right?

OK, lets do this.